Sunbathing Sasquatch

Guys trip. Hall pass. Getaway weekend. They all mean the same thing. FREEDOM! 

Well at-least it started out that way. Fresh off the plane from PDX we arrived in style to our hotel. The Fontainebleau stood in all of its majestic glory. Upon arriving to our hotel room one of the guys suggested we go down to the pool. We jump in and proceed to soak up the Florida Sun. You see ...the land from which we come from sun screen is outlawed and Sasquatch is real (more about that coming). Those involved in this story go by Bobby, Fish, Pino and Dilling. By looking at the picture Pino lives up to his name and sunscreen isn't necessary. He's the lucky one. As we wade around the pool Pino and Dilling motion over to me (Bobby) that we were going to jump out and go over to the beach. I promptly start singing Vanilla Ice's plagiarized song "Ice Ice Baby" because were were on A1A after all. I look behind me and there stood Fish with his head down in the waterfall (yes...the one in the picture). Fish wasn't listening to me so I did what any other 20-something single guy away from home would do...I jumped on his back and sent him under the water to get his attention. Now I stand about 6 foot 3 and at the time I was in decent shape at around 225lbs. I can dunk someone very easy, especially when I jump up out of the water for extra leverage. I won with authority. Fish flew under the water but to my surprise he bounced back very quickly. This was unFish like. Usually he plays the martyr and would exaggerate the event. When he bounced back I gave him a second round of encouragement and grabbed the back of his head as if I was arm wrestling his noggin and slammed him back under the waterfall the second time. I won. As I sauntered through the chest high water I  made eye contact with Pino and Dilling. Pino screamed out "Bobby, what the hell are you doing?" I responded "Getting Fish". To which Dilling chimed in "Fish is over THERE" as he pointed to the side of the pool where Fish was sitting with his legs dangling in the shallow end. 

This is where I realized the error in my ways. I turned around to see whom I just assaulted to which I catch the eyes of hairy old man was looking at me. Now Fish could work as a body double for Big Foot hence why I thought I was dunking Fish in the Fountainebleau waterfall. This dude was hairy and it was an honest mistake. Overcome with guilt I asked the guy if there was anything I could do for him and let him know I was so sorry to viciously throw him under the water. I offered to take him out to dinner, buy him a drink, give him my unborn child (I was single and ready to mingle....no kids where involved in my repayment which is coming up later). This hairy old man looked at me and said "La Macca la talka la Focka". That is correct…he didn’t speak a lick of English. I didn't have a clue what he was saying. Sasquatch pushed me to the side and I went back to rejoin my friends. Upon arriving to my buddies location, Fish looked at me and asked what I was thinking. Well for starters he had your hairy back was my reply. I quickly change the subject and mention to the guys we should have brought our golf clubs and played a round while in Miami. I wrap my hands around my imaginary golf club and took a practice swing. One problem. I'm fairly tall and the shallow water came up to my crotch. This means my imaginary swing and hands hit that waist high water with full force. Essentially creating a splash pool side with enough force that would make a tsunami proud. But that isn't where this MEMORY ends. My splash reached 8 people pool side and soaked them. Unfortunately those 8 individuals were standing by the ladder pulling their grandfather out of the water that I just previously unknowingly tried to drown in the pool. The next words I heard were "Bobby get the eff out of the pool". Needless to say this isn't even the best story on this trip. But it was a memorable one.

Thanks Fontainebleau. I believe the statute of limitations have expired and I'm truly sorry. 

Sincerely, 

That Guy