Guys Trip. Hall Pass. Getaway Weekend Part 2.

You're In. The Geese. Nurse Missy.

As for my first Memories post at The Fontainebleau Hotel I know give you part 2 of the same trip.

After my debacle in the pool we finally made it to our cruise ship. I believe it was called the Carnival Elation. I could be wrong since it was a fun trip and over 15 years ago.  Let’s start this story with a game my friends and I invented. The game is simple and it was called “You’re In”. How does it work? It’s very basic and easy to create.

Step one: Designate the players.

Step two: Explain the game to each players “significant other” so they understand what’s about to happen.

Step three: Pray.

How it works. We created two small cards about the shape of a business card. One card says “You’re In” and the other says “I’m Out”. The players in our game were Fish, Pino, Dilling and myself. If by chance both cards are played at the same time, He who plays the card first wins. If your lucky enough to hold both cards at the same time…You have all the power. In that case consider yourself Thanos. If you do not follow through with said action the penalty was something called a “Bar mat shooter”. Remember that because you will hear that word again.

Rules: You cant go to jail and it cant ruin your relationship with your significant other. Everything else is fair game. You cannot play the same card immediately on the person who played it on you. 

Hypothetical situation, Who am I kidding this was one of many actual events. Fish has a weakness. Seafood and Shots. While in southern Florida I found a bar that served Oyster Shooters with a float of Vodka on top. While some people may think that’s gross, I saw an opportunity. I told Fish that sounds good, He told me where to go take a walk. I told him he was “IN” and presented him the card. It was done. There was nothing he could do to run from what awaited him. He could decline the opportunity to partake in what surely must have been a Oyster leaving a deuce in his mouth but his penalty would have been draining all the liquid marinating in the bar mat from a days worth of cocktails shaken and strained into a shot to take as a penalty. He chose the love of the sea rather then what the bar mat was about to give him. To his credit he took it down like a champ.

Situation number two. I’m sitting at home and Pino and Dilling show up to my house and tell me its time to go play. It’s 10pm and while I didn’t have to go anywhere the next day I saw the look in their eyes. The look of pain, dehydration and tow trucks. I luckily had my wallet in my pocket and as soon as I opened the door I handed them the “I’m out” card before they could utter a syllable. Sometimes a good defense can defeat a strong offense. Crisis avoided. They left and I had a great morning the next day. 

Now you know the game, let me share with you the rest of the trip. To protect those involved, names shall be made up from this point on. 

We boarded the Carnival cruise ship that set out to sea for what I think was a 4 or 5 day trip. Our first stop was going to be day 2 in The Keys. Our first night on the ship we ran into a problem. Bar tabs were not going to be cheap. I believe the four of us had “room charges” that amounted to $1,500, $1,200, $700 and $650 respectively. The first night I met a gal who was on vacation with her friends. She was nurse named Missy. Missy and I ended up hanging out for the rest of the trip. But what happened behind the scenes was kept so stinking quiet I didn’t get word of its happening until the plane ride home. My friends had a great time at my expense. Here’s how it went down.

On the second day I took the challenge to help out the team and decrease the looming bar tab that was coming our direction. My friends stayed back on the ship as I ventured out to Key West in search of some spirits. I was successful. Knowing that I needed to be pretty slick to sneak a couple bottles back onto the ship I wore really baggy shorts and a really large shirt. To make a long story short I accomplished slipping by the metal detectors on Carnival by putting 4 liters of Grey Goose in my shorts. You read that correctly. 4 Liters. Walking upright wasn’t going to cut it. I also purchased a walking cane to use while walking on the boat. That was done so the bottles wouldn’t “show” under my shirt. If you’re hunched over like you have a bad back (that’s where the walking cane came in) you can hide anything under your shirt. I even took off the metal caps and replaced them with corks so no metal was present. I pulled it off. My guys were surprised when I showed up to the party with Goose. All we had to do was fill our water bottles up and mix with the punch and lemonade available in the cafeteria. I though I was pretty smooth. What happened next is where my smoothness turned to complete shame.

I returned as the life of the party after securing “the juice”. I found the gal I hung out with the previous night and we walked around the ship. We came around the corner to a bar to which we were immediately greeted by a bar full of patrons who simultaneously raised their glasses and toasted to “Here’s to Bobby getting ….”. You can imaging the horror on my face when greeted by the grin and laughter of my friends. Not to mention complete strangers patting me on the back. I looked at Missy with complete shock. I said nothing and didn’t know what to say. She proceeded to take me away and told me not to worry about it. I begged my guys to stop but that wasn’t going to happen. There was blood in the water and like the true predators they were they were not about to let up. My Oyster shooter victory came back to haunt me. For the duration of the trip I was greeted by complete strangers who knew my secret. I felt so bad. Every single hour my friends looked at each other and asked one another “should we tell him?” The reply was always “not yet”. I was completely left in the dark. Until the Vegas layover. That is when the clouds of confusion where swept away.

While I was in the The Keys pulling off my Grey Goose Heist..Fish, Pino and Dilling where sunbathing (Sasquatch shaved pre cruise see my Fountainebleau story on their Metablox). 

(Nurse Missy walks up to Fish and starts playing with his chest hair)

Missy: Hi

(Fish looks over to Pino deadpanning the situation like a true poker player)

Fish: You getting this?

Pino: Yup.

Fish: Hi Missy, how are you?

Missy: Great how are you?

(Missy continues touching Fish)

Fish: I’m not Bobby.

Missy: Yes you are.

(Fish looks over to Pino)

Fish: Still with me Pino?

Pino: Yup.

Fish: I’m Fish

Missy: No your not, If you were Fish you would have that stupid tattoo on your leg of a fish.

Fish: You mean this one?

(Reality smacks Missy in the face much to Fish’s delight)

Missy: Oh no…please don’t tell Bobby!

Fish: Sorry, I can’t do that.

Missy: Please.

Fish: what do you think guys…give her until the end of the cruise?

Pino & Dilling: Sure

Fish: Hey Missy…How was I?

For the rest of the cruise they had this secret that I was clueless about. A secret that everyone on the cruise ship knew except one person. Me. 

Memories now permanently rooted on The Blockchain.

Apologetically, 

That Guy

Ps. If memory serves me correctly all 4 Geese were empty before dinner that night.